Scientist Apprentice

First, my apologies to my adoring fans for having left you craving my sarcastic wit for the last six months. I've been strapped to this damned monkey trying not to let him look incompetent, but not even my genius can temper his ignorance.

Yes, we've been answering phones and making coffee for six months. The monkey sends the calls to the wrong employees, hangs up on potential customers, and almost personally destroyed the deal between Unilever and TIGI when Bruno Mascolo called and the monkey asked how Bruno's brother Toni is doing and what he thinks of the deal.

But things are looking up. The monkey was so bad at the personal assistant job that they are now letting us apprentice with The Mad Scientist. As you can see, I mixed together the next super soap. This is top secret stuff. I put in a little dash of surprise. The monkey didn't even see me do it. You will have to buy some Dove soap and see if you can figure out my new super special ingredient. I'm hoping that the monkey will start using it and it will make him a super genius. If not that, then I just wish the monkey would bathe. It is unbearable to live next to monkey armpits like this.

And yes, as you can imagine, this photo is taken just a second before the giant monkey on my back lost his balance and sent me face first into the vat of liquid goo. I swear the dim wit was trying to kill me. The only reason he survived is because his big head was caught on the other side of the vat. It took 3 minutes before the emergency crews found us. Can you imagine the death, destruction, and mayhem that this would have caused if we weren't stuffed animals?